Friday, October 5, 2012

The Epiphany...I binge

Last night Eddie and I went out for dinner at our local diner.
 By the time we arrived I was past starving and all I could think about was french fries.
For some reason when my hunger kicks into overdrive, I make poor decisions in the eating department.

Please tell me I am not the only one.

When it was time to order Eddie picked a farmers omelet and I went with a wrap.
However, I felt it wasn't going to be enough (low blood sugar thoughts) and decided we needed an appetizer.

 I chose bacon cheese fries with ranch dressing.

As soon as the waiter walked away Eddie looked at me and said "What are you doing?! I'm trying to be healthy and you just ordered bacon cheese fries. You don't even like bacon!"
Which is 100% true. I rarely eat bacon, but for some reason, I ordered it.
 I wasn't trying to sabotage his or my weight loss journeys but I let my hunger get the best of me and in turn made a bad decision... For both of us.

I know you're thinking, what's the big deal? Why is she telling us about this? 
It's just cheese fries.

However, I recognized I have a problem and this is my outlet to change it. Too often I find myself saying
 "When I go out to eat, I can have whatever I want."

I need to learn that going out to eat doesn't mean go out and eat crap.
 I also realized then when my hunger reaches a point of starvation, I reach for anything and everything which leads to a binge.

I don't do that.

But the truth is: I do. 
I just never noticed it until last night.

I ate most of the fries, my entire wrap, a bite of Eddie's home fries AND a piece of toast.

I had an epiphany after dinner.
I played it off in my vlog like it was no big deal when Eddie and I were discussing our meal together.
But it was a huge eye opener for me, I do have a problem.

I work so hard in the gym and when I make poor decisions like I did last night, it negates all of my work.

 I cook and eat almost every meal at home. 
I love eating healthy.
I feel best when fruits, vegetables, and unprocessed foods are the base of my diet.
My mood and energy directly reflects my eating habits:
Healthy eating = happy and energetic.
Unhealthy eating = sluggish and bitchy

There are so many healthy options on menus and even if you don't find something suitable for your dietary needs, restaurants will accommodate you (most of the time). I just didn't choose them last night.
This morning I woke up and had to deal with the consequences of my decision. I had puffy fingers and an unquenchable thirst...due to over consumption of sodium. 
Crazy right?

Either way lesson learned. I have to keep bars/trail mix on me at all times so I don't allow my blood sugar to crash and take over. I want to focus on making better choices when I go out to eat, and kick those  
" I don't go out often, I can eat whatever I want," thoughts to the curb.

Eating 80/20 or living a life of balance does not mean binge eating unhealthy foods when hunger strikes.
I need to remember that.


  1. I can tend to have this problem too - especially when I'm with a group of girls who doesn't think twice about ordering a platter of steak nachos! And they're totally a gateway...I have one bite and my brain chemistry just screams for more! It definitely takes a lot of work to be mindful, especially when you're out with friends whose goals are different than your own...

  2. You are definetly not the only one who does this, I suffer from the same type of problem. I have to be careful and make sure I eat my meals on time becasue if I miss a meal and I start to get REALLY hungry I tend to crave junk and I tend to eat alot of it. We dont realize how powerful food is sometimes!

  3. I find myself doing the same, but everyone deserves one "cheat" meal every now and then ... don't be so hard on yourself!!! But being prepared sounds like a good game plan!

  4. I have this problem. I'm recently trying to be very conscious of my eating and eat 75% clean to start. Last night though after a social sports club game we went out to the bar. The three people I was with ordered nachos, crab fries, a burger, and a cheesesteak. I had one bite of the cheesesteak, about 5 fries, and a couple nachos. Letting myself taste the food was good (especially since fries are my favorite!) but I knew that those 5 fries, compared to half the bowl were not going to sabotage my day of healthy eating. I definitely always have almonds and bars on hand though so I think it will help. I believe in not counting things so much as cheat meals (except every once in a while actually ordering that burger and fries you want, with a salad on the side :) ) but just having a taste or a very small portion of something to satisfy the craving and then go on making a healthy choice for your meal.

    Thanks for keeping it real as always! I've been getting really down by following all these fitsporation instagram feeds and thinking I'll never have the 6 pack abs and be able to eat 100% clean!

  5. Hi Carlyn, I can completely identify with this issue. For me it's been an imperfect journey of unlearning the diet mentality- where I restricted (didn't eat enough, skipped meals or waited a long time between meals like 8-10hours). No matter what it set me up to failure.

    What I have learned in my own journey is that I need to practice love and compassion within myself. To remind myself to continue moving forward from this point on. To create loving nourishing guidelines that allow me to live in a place of sanity. That means I have to eat something every 4 hours or so. I do carry kind bars in my bag for moments like that. The other trick that did for me was that I can have all of the crappy food that I want/crave as long as I paired it up with fresh fruit/veggies (add a salad) boy that did the trick for me in ways that I never thought it would be possible.

  6. i definitely know thats an issue for many. youre totally not alone!!! when my blood sugar gets too low i do the same thing. sometimes i would say to myself "oh, i better not have a snack.. it'll ruin my dinner!" but then id be sooo hungry that i'd eat too much and be miserable! it'd ruin my dinner even worse! lol. i now know that healthy snacks are the way to go, so that i dont get to that point as well. thanks so much for openly sharing this! i know it'll help a ton of people! happy friday and spa love!!

  7. I did the same thing last night as well, the day got away from me and I missed lunch so by the time I was home I was STTTAAARRRVVVVIIINNGG. I figured a PB & J would do the trick and not be bad....but after the PB&J , then pickle, then candy corn I washed it all down with taco bell and mountain dew....granted this was over 5 hours but still. I was so mad at myself and I have tried to do what they teach us in WW and just put it in the past and move forward but I can't help but feel like I just took 3 steps back.

  8. Girl I'm the same way. I read that when your body is tired at night it responds by craving carbs to keep you up with momentary sugar rushes. I can eat healthy all day and then at night start snacking on cereal, tortilla chips, pretzels, just random unhealthy carbs. I'm working on going to bed now when that snacking strikes since it's what my body really wants.

  9. I used to binge too. It started when I was doing the books for our business, had two kids and husband was always 15 hour days. I started using food as a stress relief and a comfort. That was about 7 years ago and was the beginning of my slow weight gain. I have finally stopped the stress eating/binging...and I've lost 15 pounds. Of course running helps but like I said in my 'nutrition' post the other is 80% of the battle. Jessica

  10. I've had a binging problem too. I always keep some protein bars and water bottles in the car to help with that!


  11. i do the same problem, but always knowing that it is undoing everything i did workout wise. last friday i had my first 'cheat meal' in a month (a burrito) and saturday ALL DAY i was on my death bed pretty much, it was the worst!

  12. I am one who did the same and then I started to feel bad about it. I tend to either get a salad and share an apetizer, or just get a meal...I don't do both....I also try to keep something on me at all times so that I never get to the starving stage.
    PLUS when we eat and Nick always eats so good - I have learned to ask him what he is getting so I get my choice in check. SIlly I know, but it works!

  13. Clearly, you ain't alone! I'm just joining in to say, I'm the same way sometimes. Yesterday at lunch, I had one bite of my friend's fried calamari appetizer and felt like a goner. The key is to think about it BEFORE and gain control then.

  14. I know how you feel! How about any sweets (specifically chocolate) I have no food blinders for? I eat obscene amounts and don't even realize it. Food trances are the worst!

  15. I though I could say I was a binge eater, but after this week I have to say I am. I talked to one of my readers who very openly shared with me that she had an eating disorder (anorexia) and think that binge eating is the exact same type of eating disorder. One that we must really focus on recovering from and one that affects us most when our lifes' our out of whack or in stress. Hello two girls who love to exercise, but are injured! Stress! Maybe that is why we are both binge eating this week. Hopefully we can help each other through the problems and focus on recovering by learning to control it because I need all the help I can get. Just ate a bowl of brownies! ugggghhhhhh

  16. Don't think for a second that you are alone. Everyone does it, and if you say you don't.. I just dont' believe you. It happens, but as long as it's not an everynight event.. then it's okay. Eating healthy is all about balance and moderation. If it's something you want to work on, work on it girl.. but dont beat yourself up over it. you are beautiful xo

  17. Of course you're not the only one who does this! I've learned this lesson the hard way many times. Starting with a salad or, for when I'm in a really bad pinch and facing a hunger emergency, carrying healthy fruit bars. I very often need to eat some healthy calories quick before making a bad decision!

  18. Well your binges are much better than mine. I can just keep eating and eating and consciously I know that I should stop but subconsciously I still want to eat and it's absolutely torturous. However the first road to recovery is always acknowledging your problem :) We're all behind you girlie.

  19. (Can you tell I'm catching up?)

    Girlfriend, binges are terrible, and man oh man do I binge. I've been terrible about eating breakfast recently, but what I've noticed is that every day that I have eaten breakfast recently, I haven't made up for it at night - my biggest downfall. Night time, no matter what, is terrible for me. I snack. I nibble. I binge if I didn't eat well all day. Our bodies know what's best for us and if we don't pay attention to them, then they'll scream out loud at us in the form of THE BINGE. They suck. But the best thing you could have done is RECOGNIZE them. The first step is recognizing. Now it's picking up on triggers and avoiding them. :) You've got this,'re a badass. :)

  20. Don't you worry your pretty little head, we all do it! I seriously just binge ate for the past 48 hours and I don't know why!! It sucks, but it happens to the best of us. Time to just pick up where we left off! Thanks for sharing this, I needed it!

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