Thursday, July 26, 2012

Not comfortable in my skin

The past two or three weeks I have not felt like myself.

My motivation to sweat is not there.
My happiness while working out is almost non-existent.

I am trying to change things up and push through it, but the fact of the matter is:

I am not comfortable in my skin.

I haven't felt this way since I started my journey back in 2009 at a whopping 236 pounds.

I've lost 50lbs in 2 years and I've been happy with that.

Until a few weeks ago.
I am constantly finding things I don't like about myself.

When something is bothering me I internalize it.
I hate opening up and having real conversations face to face.
I'd rather be bitchy and write you off.

It's rude but it's the truth.
It's also something I know, but cannot control
It's who I am.


Last night at the gym my unhappiness reared it's ugly head.
I was watching myself jump rope and said out loud "all I see is jiggle."

Lauren and I hopped into Kickboxing 20 minutes late after doing the "sweaty & I know it" circuit.
The entire time I was comparing myself to every person in the room.

Tight bodies of every age surrounds me on a constant basis.
I work just as hard.
I push just as much.
But here I am 2 years later and nothing is changing.

I left the gym and broke down.
I can't pretend I am happy when I'm not.

For those of you still reading or who watched the vlog, thank you.

I am hoping to kick myself out of this funk really soon because 

Being uncomfortable in your own skin is the worst feeling and I do not wish it on anyone.

I love you all.
Tomorrow WILL be better.


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